whelp, I'm not pregnant

curses. foiled again.

we're going home, toto! we're going home!

disappointed

"i have my answers" "I assure you they are all true" "even the lies?" "*especially* the lies"

fuck hotels that disable access to HDMI ports on their tvs

i might simply switch to lip-syncing through life

vacay = just throw munny out dat window in fistfuls

turns out I am pretty good at doing nothing all day

I'm reminded that all humans have a projected lifetime of about three minutes. And each time we take a breath, that clock resets.

alas, i have exhausted all my fucks I had to give

look. i sold something on eBay

who knew planning a vacay would be so complicated

i inherited a digital pencil for my iPad. Wonder what it can do?

11. Fuck Louisiana

i have a werwy gwood fwend fwom wome named biggus dickus

need pivo

demolition complete. i really like tearing worthless sh*t apart, and throwing it all the f*ck away.

snoopy come home

My dad's dead, my FIL dead, my kids dead. Happy father's day, hallmark.