I'm reminded that all humans have a projected lifetime of about three minutes. And each time we take a breath, that clock resets.

alas, i have exhausted all my fucks I had to give

look. i sold something on eBay

who knew planning a vacay would be so complicated

i inherited a digital pencil for my iPad. Wonder what it can do?

11. Fuck Louisiana

i have a werwy gwood fwend fwom wome named biggus dickus

need pivo

demolition complete. i really like tearing worthless sh*t apart, and throwing it all the f*ck away.

snoopy come home

My dad's dead, my FIL dead, my kids dead. Happy father's day, hallmark.

Me today: "I'll be more productive tomorrow." Also me tomorrow: "I'll be more productive tomorrow."

another fine day of fucking off until the sun appears over the yardarm

sure wish i knew wtf I'm getting into

there's something wrong with me when i realize I'm pissed off about not being pissed off about the rain. that realization pisses me off

can't tell you how much i enjoy talking to banks on the phone

Step 1: schedule a nap. Step 2: take nap. Step 3: goto step 1.

I came; I saw; I cleaned the place the fuck up

and poof there goes another metric fucktonne of money on a vacation. at this rate I won't have any left to take with me when i die

I need a vacay to recover from my vacay