sports pro tip: in golf, getting a hole in three is more better than getting a hole in one, because the number is higher

today i am expectcing to lost my skin in a factory accident

bebop is Man’s revenge on God for giving us seizures

when life gives you lemons, enjoy the gosh dang lemons okay

i like to think that the first person to have an object stick to them through static electricity was absolutely terrified

I HAVE ACTUALLY FINISHED WRITING A SONG FOR ONCE

oh 32-bit Windows my beloved, how the heck are you still supported

do not let the callousness of hindsight belittle your past struggles

i appreciate British TV corporations keeping a fresh stock of paedophiles on the payroll so they can fire them when it’s most profitable

that comforting midrange resonance of downstairs voices coming through your bedroom door

bermuda incest love triangle

fruit flies. one of the only creatures dumb enough to land on my glasses, refuse to move when nudged, and then die when nudged too much

hanging on by several thousand strong threads woven together

youngste defeate

farewell to +441903416086, 2021–2025

never write public maintenance schedules for things as you’re falling asleep. i almost put my timezone as BTC >_>

don’t be like the Pope. abuse substances, not children

two-legged centaurs are commonly mistaken for humans, but this is actually very offensive to them

i need the northern cardinals to know how much i love them

why would you taint the delicate tuna with olives like that