i appreciate British TV corporations keeping a fresh stock of paedophiles on the payroll so they can fire them when it’s most profitable

that comforting midrange resonance of downstairs voices coming through your bedroom door

bermuda incest love triangle

fruit flies. one of the only creatures dumb enough to land on my glasses, refuse to move when nudged, and then die when nudged too much

hanging on by several thousand strong threads woven together

youngste defeate

farewell to +441903416086, 2021–2025

never write public maintenance schedules for things as you’re falling asleep. i almost put my timezone as BTC >_>

don’t be like the Pope. abuse substances, not children

two-legged centaurs are commonly mistaken for humans, but this is actually very offensive to them

i need the northern cardinals to know how much i love them

why would you taint the delicate tuna with olives like that

James Cameron is living proof that Man’s greatest showstoppers are fortune, the ego, and lead poisoning

skeletons are asleep, post defiling

“it’s not you, it’s me,” i say to my reflection

the truth, like Internet Explorer, will endure

miss u gnat

hate that i am always at my most creative when i am about to go to bed

“i did it my way,” i say, aggressively copying the exact vocal inflections of Frank Sinatra

the crows stand on the grass, and remind me that my existence on this planet is subject to their rules