It’s so hot today. I see heat waves radiating off the asphalt

Me, sitting in silence in the office having my attempts to eat dinner be interrupted thrice by calls: can I please eat now

“Yes! Finally, I can eat dinner” I mused foolishly. The phone begins to ring as I sat down.

“That's rough, buddy,” I say, looking into a mirror.

Common thoughts while using a foot with a toe wound to step on the gas: owie, ouch, ow, yeowie

If my body is a temple it’s fucking crumbling rn 😭🙏

ZOLOFT WITHDRAWALS 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥😭😭😭😭 LIGHTNING IN MY BRAIN 🧠 SEND HELP

I laid down and immediately crumbled as I felt my spine flare up in pain

My vein hurts because the nurse moved the needle while it was inside it as she was drawing blood. Owie

Automatic Hand sanitizer dispenser squirted sideways instead of landing on my palm what is the point anymore.

Me, getting ready for work: I can’t wait to go home and take a fat fucking nap

It’s only 10:40am and I’m already exhausted

Internally wanting to wiggle and trash around like a cockroach that got sprayed with raid because this pc is loading 5ever

Sometimes all a guy needs is KIDNEY STONES ENVIRONMENTAL ENRICHMENT 🗣️📣💥💥💥💥💥💥

Getting a work-related phone call while pissing is one of the worst things ever. Should I pee faster or answer while pissing? Who knows

The dropping phone counter has gone up— make that 4

Number of times I dropped a tele/phone today: 3 and counting

“I should make more female characters” I say, as I make yet another boy

I could’ve used the little copper wire to tickle someone’s ear, but I didn’t. Glad to know my self control is still intact

Feeling like my skin hadn’t been kissed by the sunlight in years