Me, getting ready for work: I can’t wait to go home and take a fat fucking nap

It’s only 10:40am and I’m already exhausted

Internally wanting to wiggle and trash around like a cockroach that got sprayed with raid because this pc is loading 5ever

Sometimes all a guy needs is KIDNEY STONES ENVIRONMENTAL ENRICHMENT 🗣️📣💥💥💥💥💥💥

Getting a work-related phone call while pissing is one of the worst things ever. Should I pee faster or answer while pissing? Who knows

The dropping phone counter has gone up— make that 4

Number of times I dropped a tele/phone today: 3 and counting

“I should make more female characters” I say, as I make yet another boy

I could’ve used the little copper wire to tickle someone’s ear, but I didn’t. Glad to know my self control is still intact

Feeling like my skin hadn’t been kissed by the sunlight in years

I broke someone’s 6 win streak in Prosekai’s ranked matches. I feel powerful

Make no mistake, I’m still alive. But I’ve been saying things on discord that I’m not sure would fly well with other social media so I

Much like how the boiled egg squirted at me, this chocolate I was given just creamed on my fingers

God the soft island reggae, the room temperature, the warm sunlight outside, the background noise of passing cars are gonna make me pass out

If i am not careful i will fall asleep in this shuttle so im typing here pls send help

The shuttle 😂 just left me 😂 and I was just a few feet away from it when it moved 😂

I wore a belt today. Great start! Hope we keep this streak going. I’m tired of having to pull my pants up

“Why are you panting?” Sometimes I forget to breathe ☝️

I forgot to wear a belt again today this keeps happening

It’s employee appreciation day at work. That’s cute! They even have free breakfast. The coffee tastes both sweet and like water though.