humid and cold night. no extreme weather alert, but itll snow

so damn cold in here my fountain pen ink is not cooperating with me. at least the cold helps with the chronic pain

me accidentally getting anya's haircut was truly the event of all time actually

i feel like a husk of myself. i feel like a revenant. like a dead man walking. like a ghost haunting my own life

and yet the tedium of living never ceases. theres always dishes to wash. laundry to run. food you have to halfheartedly eat and drink

one day i'm going to kill myself and it wont be a surprise to anyone who knows me. and i think that's the saddest part. their indifference

only thing that makes me feel even marginally better is music. show pony and hot mulligan getting me through the horrors i guess

weeping for no reason (the reason is debilitating mental and physical pain)

you know its getting bad when all i want to do is sleep so that i dont have to be aware of my existence

sick and tired of being people's doll on the shelf to pick up and admire before throwing to the ground. caved in porcelain

head down on the desk trying to not cry because i cant take painkillers just yet because of other pills souping around in my me

that house md scene is so relateable. life is pain. every morning i wake up in pain. you know how many times i thought about ending it?

google search local confessionals near me. please god put me out of my misery

really cool when i cant do the only thing that feels of value or provides any purpose or justification for my existence

its like you have SO much more time to do a- [my depression caves my skull in. i am rendered useless and creatively stagnant]

it would be really cool if i could actually do anything productive with my time instead of weeping

mhm. i think its probably time to withdraw significantly from those relationships. not like it matters to any of them. spare myself the ache

love the perpetual reminder that i mean nothing to the people in my life. really cool

repainted my nails. the acute pain has passed but im still nauseous from general chronic pain and the iron

ugh. i remember why i don’t normally take my iron now. i am in debilitating nauseous pain and on the verge of throwing up