its like you have SO much more time to do a- [my depression caves my skull in. i am rendered useless and creatively stagnant]

it would be really cool if i could actually do anything productive with my time instead of weeping

mhm. i think its probably time to withdraw significantly from those relationships. not like it matters to any of them. spare myself the ache

love the perpetual reminder that i mean nothing to the people in my life. really cool

repainted my nails. the acute pain has passed but im still nauseous from general chronic pain and the iron

ugh. i remember why i don’t normally take my iron now. i am in debilitating nauseous pain and on the verge of throwing up

whatever. going to eat a plain pita because i don’t want the iron to destroy my stomach. can’t even be fucked to add anything to it

sighs. suppose this is my misanthropic bitter little cloistered off freak era. so it goes

it’s like what’s even the point. clearly no one cares. i’m just miserably digging my fingertips in for.. what? hard to recall, exactly

not a single person in my life has reached out to sit down with me for a months long suicidal crisis. that’s actually insane

genuinely sickening to realize that no matter how much i poured myself into my relationships everyone leaves me out to dry. miserable

i’m so dumb. i just realized without my caffeine issue loading up on iron should be much easier now

whatever forever. seaweed and goldfish crackers because i need to eat something to replace the salt of crying

it wouldn’t change anyone’s life. not really. just my older brothers. i think about that more than i’d like to admit

feel like a festering wound of a person. going to finish house keeping and contemplate drafts of drafts of drafts of pointless suicide notes

swinging from active suicidal crisis to active suicidal crisis like a cirque du soleil trapeze artist. in between, passive ideation seeps

can’t stop thinking about the pointlessness of it all and how much better the people in my life would be if i killed myself. lmao

endless laundry and a sink full of dishes. figures i should have a snack while waiting on the laundry. hideously depressed

hour long hot showers in the middle of winter. well, that’s something

going to at least set the dryer on for another cycle while i shower. clean laundry is something at least