having a body is so hard... too much work... I need out of it

yeah im actually a fraud and I hate this shit. Everything I've said i am and intended to be is gone

I feel like the most vicious person, i cannot have the 德 to warrant this

Using someone catching feelings really quickly as reassurance im not disgusting or grotesque

I wish I didnt feel selfish and guilty and feel happy and free to share my successes, but praise for every little thing isnt good to ask...

is this how it feels? if only id learn...

when youre a liar so you just project your own distrust onto everyone else... but what else is there to do? faking care feels more humane

I wish I had the strength to give up

convincing yourself youre worthless so you never have an embarrassing big ego moment ever again

why does everyone else get to use me for happiness and im stuck as a fucking husk. Even if I prioritize myself, nothing will change Im stuck

What an absolute fucking nightmare. It's this for the rest of my life?? I'd be better off getting out of here asap

Living like i could die every second but minimizing my impact instead of maximizing it

being edgy and suicidal but erasing the vent post because it dismisses how you value others #virtuefriends #community

it's so evil that eating makes me bloated

feeling #confucian. emulating my friends (who are at least as good as me) to become more virtuous

Is that actually just that I take everything for granted and am in such a haze I forget temporality

Why is it that I respond better to loss and negativity than encouragement and kind hearted gestures

Im so scared I have nothing again and I've proven myself right. This is so soulless and pathetic I need to be put down itd be a net positive

Missing my sage #confuciusposting #realyearnerhours

i miss knowing how to have fun... or having the people to have fun with...