wish I could have this prof as my advisor but she's not in my aos really... a tragedy.... but kinda my mo atp

better than not feeling them... I'm so grateful universe please be merciful

realizing that once the people who are required to put up with me are gone there'll be no one left to abuse and ill flounder

If I had a nickel for every time a movie I watched connected to recent ex news I havent processed Id have 2...

how fucked up it is to not be recognized as being wildly different from how you were. when it was a cry for help...

missing identity claims solely because it meant resonating with something so strongly

rifts between my desires, my past actions, how i was raised, my potential future, and the now known (but not wholly) facts of my body.

GOD I LOVE BEING 25 IN AN OFFICE FULL OF (almost or over) 30 YEARS OLDSSSS

plagued by visions of the only fitting solution being blowing my shit smoove off because being angry doesnt work anymore

Me turning into God's most annoying soldier trying to undo some anxiety and shame in connecting

I can feel myself getting annoyinger... go go gadget philosopher

getting increasingly pissed off about the callous on my wrist from where it hits the desk when I use my mouse

yearning, mourning, tearing my heart from my chest

forgot the word "syllogism" but could remember modus ponens to get the word to pop up... sounds about right.

Post hoc rationalizing every decision in a ttrpg and deciding it was actually rp and in character

it's just that nothing feels good, nothing is inspiring, nothing comes to me to do... i've left no notes, no time to set up...

mesmerized that people do things for fun... ill never know what thats like (wait, I should manifest) one day I'll know what thats like

Learning 2 take care of my stuff bc of an academic article about pro wrestlers being more hurt from lots of standard bumps vs bigger stunts

good god i wish i had memories... i think i'm building my attention back...

bitches will apologize and feel bad but refuse to do better.... awkwardd