when i got home from work yesterday, i pulled out the bag of his clothes that i still have. as i had stated in my last update, i had planned on sleeping in his hoodie last night. but i could barely hold it in my hands without crying, so i tucked it back in to the bag and stored it in the closet again. i just miss him so much. i hate how alone i am in my despair. i'm not waiting for anything, he's not going to turn around and come back, but i still miss him more than anything..

a 'friend' of mine got into my head this week - convincing me of some horrible shit about the LOML. i need to let it slide and remind myself of what i had with him when we were still together. he told me he loved me, so i'm going to believe that he did. be kinder to yourself, kkb. i'll wear his hoodie to sleep tonight, because what little i have left of him, i cherish.

it's really hard to accept that he hates me. but he does. he's talked about me behind my back, said horrible things, and i guess i really was deluded. i really thought he loved me, and i thought we had something special. i thought he'd remember me fondly, but i was wrong. he hates me and thinks i'm disgusting. i just feel so broken

messed up and texted my ex. im so ashamed and i feel so bad for doing it. why does everything have to hurt so much

i am so, fucking, unbelievably, miserable. when does this end. i've never hurt this much in my whole life and i'm fucking tired

just found out the most awful shit ever i think im going to stop breathing

aaaaangerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

i SAID 'no matter what' and i MEANT IT forever and for always. you don't get to decide how i feel.

flash flood

lol my broken heart has been like 'wow i miss & love this guy so much' but now i think i fucking hate him . lol jk i'm an emotional mess

just heard there are fires in LA county and i had a trauma response?? at least his hometown isn't burning but it didn't stop me from bawling

i wanna see the palm trees with you; i wanna pray over your body, cos no one moves me like you do...

i had so many kisses left for you. so many songs, so many books, things to watch, memories to make, laughs to be shared. i miss you so much.

nobody understands anymore how your voice peels me off of the floor

if i could, i would walk a thousand miles just to be where you are and make you smile

i hope that you never forget that i will always love you, and i'll always be waiting here for you. always. i told you i love you: i meant it

i bought a purpely bear bong hehehehe no more vaping fuck that shit

he prolly destroyed my favorite cardigan. why did i think i'd see him again?? i can't . stop crying .

dumb and stupid, dumb and stupid, dumb and stupid, dumb and stupid, dumb and stupid, dumb and stupid, dumb and stupid, dumb and stupid, dumb

hehe... h..yeahhh...... so apparently i'm allergic to sunlight LOL