i'm just an eternal fucking nuisance better forgotten than remembered

void left a void .

pretty baby, i still care

crying at work is like my new pastime or something

die quietly, die quietly

i am the bad dream that he wants to forget . i was a bad dream . is there anything good about me? am i only capable of being something people want to run away from? am i only capable of being something that nobody wants? am i ever going to be able to love and be loved back, from the only person i want it from? why am i only capable of being a failure? i can't live this life if it isn't beside the one person i love. what is the point of medication and therapy if i still want to die?

constantly reminding myself that he wants nothing to do with me (entering the fifth month of this maybe my brain will finally make sense of it) i hate this i hate myself i'm alone with my heartbreak and i'm tired

No phone calls, i hear what you say / it's okay babe, i know you need space / know that whatever you do, i hope you remember the way i love you.... no phone calls, i'll go my own way / if you ever need me, you know where i stay / know that whatever you do, i hope you remember the way i loved you

sigh . accidentally came across the photos i took of him when we said goodbye at the airport and now i'm crying at work ;_; i hate this horrible version of reality that i live in

You have 2 faces, but i have a million, and all of them loved you <3

i smell like jasmine tea + milk + sugar today and i'm haaaaappy about it!!!!! tom ford jasmin rouge doing the WORK

he HATES my ass why did i ever believe he loved me ;__;

bongo metal pipe ;______;

WHEN DOES IT FUCKING END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!

i'm not made to love or to be loved

would you care if i died, would you even cry?

when i got home from work yesterday, i pulled out the bag of his clothes that i still have. as i had stated in my last update, i had planned on sleeping in his hoodie last night. but i could barely hold it in my hands without crying, so i tucked it back in to the bag and stored it in the closet again. i just miss him so much. i hate how alone i am in my despair. i'm not waiting for anything, he's not going to turn around and come back, but i still miss him more than anything..

a 'friend' of mine got into my head this week - convincing me of some horrible shit about the LOML. i need to let it slide and remind myself of what i had with him when we were still together. he told me he loved me, so i'm going to believe that he did. be kinder to yourself, kkb. i'll wear his hoodie to sleep tonight, because what little i have left of him, i cherish.

it's really hard to accept that he hates me. but he does. he's talked about me behind my back, said horrible things, and i guess i really was deluded. i really thought he loved me, and i thought we had something special. i thought he'd remember me fondly, but i was wrong. he hates me and thinks i'm disgusting. i just feel so broken

messed up and texted my ex. im so ashamed and i feel so bad for doing it. why does everything have to hurt so much