I just put salt in my coffee instead of sugar, and now I have to act like nothing happened.

Just had a Tsingtao, the Chinese Century really is at hand.

#ItWorked #AlcoholIsGodsGreatGift #DayBoozingUntilIDie

#NeedTheHairOfTheDogThatBitMe

dude why did someone ring my doorbell and leave a pizzabox covered in blood at the doorstep

My pizza fell off the seat while I was driving back earlier; guess I’m not eating tonight

Woke up and did it AGAIN award

Vomited again award

Wasabi Flavour Coated Peanuts… my only weakness…

I hate winter so much

I fucking hate ice, this is the third time I slipped and feel THIS WEEK

I fucking hate ice, this is the third time I slipped and feel THIS WEEK

I get now why bars offer starvation-proportion meals; heartbroken to say, but I couldn't even finish the schooner I ordered </3

I have accidentally spilled an entire jar of marmalade inside my hat. Oh dear, oh my. I'm Paddington look at my silly fucking antics, god fu

I hate winetricks so much it's unreal

I just need to reinstall linux one more time bro, just one more time and all my issues will go away

dawg i am gonna have to learn french for this class on carthage

Will Smith did WHAT at the oscars??

sushi....

WAIT THE GUINNESS COSTS $10 A PINT