alive, unfortunately

been testing the waters not responding to friends or family for weeks. i think i'll be able to do this. no one will call 911 this time

no one will miss me when im gone. they will be sad when they hear what happened to me, but it will be like a papercut. then i will disappear

despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage

idk maybe i shouldn't kill myself... it's so hard when i have these moments of mild clarity...

once again with another lover the question: are they malicious or incompetent? those things affect me in the same way tho

there is no place for me in this world, in this home

i pray to god to be sent to hell so i may suffer eternal damnation to atone for the crime of my wretched existence

i've been slowly fading away tbh no one will know for weeks when i'm gone

i have nothing left but hatred for myself and im tired of lying to everyone i need to tell them i am going to die soon

die die die what are you waiting for this is your sign it's over there's no hope for you die die die

waste of space waste of oxygen waste of time waste of energy waste of organs waste of money waste of care waste of a person worthless filth

I'm so pathetic. I go into the bathroom with my hands in front of my face, keeping my head down, so I don't have to confront my reflection.

she hates me so much

safe inside myself are all my thoughts of you

researching purchasing firearms in my state. i am sorry to my future clients who are unknowingly funding this. i just can't do this anymore

I have decided how and when I will put an end to my suffering far away from those who would be able to stop me. It's finally almost over.

I am at the peak of my anguish. I cannot survive much longer.

(a moment of lucidity) He told me not to be afraid. I told him the same. Then he was cold and limp in my arms. I am afraid.

I don't know where we went so wrong, but we are both unrecognizable to me. I remember how light and airy they used to make me feel.