im decomposing in real time and everyone is just spraying air freshener at me
i want to tear my skin off
made funny cookies again for the first time in a while :,) still trying...
im trying not to let this all get to me because i KNOW it isnt my fault but that doesnt change the material reality of my life being a mess
i wonder if anyone at my old work cares that i suddenly got fired. is anyone concerned? are they judging or assuming anything? so isolating
well i guess now that ive lost my job i can try to finish A Drawing
lmao my boss impulsively fired me
my boss suddenly snapped on me and has been extremely abusive, trying to exert control to an inappropriate extent, and frankly i am appalled
counselor call my physical pain caused by mental illness "chronic pain" is crazy cos i thought mine didnt count cos it was mentally triggerd
pharmacists are the worst out here. one always comments how i take a ton (fuck you lady) and a different one today rolled her eyes at me
why does everyone in seatte treat me like such shit? it's making me angry and paranoid. am i being targeted? profiled? why me?
calling random pharmas to find who has my Rx in stock... it feels weird... it feels like im trying to find a dealer... always changing...
two fucking years of this shit!!! if i had the keyfob w me id have run down there and just beat him senseless
there's a dude who passes thru the alley making cuckooing noises (usually between 1am-4am) and honest to god i want him to suffer and die
SCRATCH OUT YOUR EYES SCRATCH OUT YOUR EYES SCRATCH OUT YOUR EYES
i hate it i hate it i hate how ppl have noticed i stopped eating and are giving me food out of concern and it makes me feel so guilty
i wish i could fully express to someone how i feel about the world and myself without potentially being institutionalized
everyone is pushing and prodding me closer to the edge
i feel so viscerally unloved and misunderstood
there's no place for me in this world