sororicide fetish

i want to rend the flesh off my foes (i have no greater enemy than myself)

unironically considering killing myself in front of my wretched partner and changing the trajectory of her life forever lmao

i hate her so fucking much i fucking hate her im fucking trapped in a shitty fucking relationship again i want to fucking die

"iM sOrRy FoR uPsEtTiNg YoU" shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!

and so i re-explain how triggering it is (also just unkind to ANYONE?) and she's just like "ok" hey literally fuck OFF!!!! i want to kms

like she KNOWS my mom used to come in my room and scream at me taking too long to wake up for like a DECADE as a child please be kind!!!!

bitch starts hounding me (person w a sleep disorder) literally 3 MIN after i wake up to hurry out of bed hey go fuck yourself?!

nobody loves me everybody hates me guess i'll go eat worms

what's worse? your partner being annoyed when you cry or unfazed by it? maybe i'm too dramatic and stupid and that's why no one cares

no matter how much i beg and cry about my boundaries it doesn't make a damn difference

i want to cut off the hand she used to touch her. if she wants it so bad she can have it. my body does not belong to me. i want to die.

but it's not a grown man fingering an 8 year old me and it's not a boyfriend raping sleeping me so it's no biggie!!

ppl LOVE taking advantage of me when im asleep! my child molester touched me in my sleep. i woke to my ex raping me MANY times. now THIS???

i cant tell anyone what happened bcos they will just be like "well that's not REALLY sexual assault" and im a stupid whiny bitch baby

i know that i can't bring it up again cos ive done it a hundred times but im still upset im still betrayed im still hurt how do i move on???

im so fucking terrified that A) no one will consider what happened actually sexual assault and B) this will escalate to rape. i am worthless

also she mildly sexually assaulted me the other night so like literally my boundaries and feelings mean nothing

oh so when SHE has a boundary it's sacred i dont cross it but when I have a boundary it's just a suggestion that she gets to disregard

love how she pressured me really really hard to drink and then is fucking loud and rude and argumentative the next morning when im sick. kms