she said she wants to be my muse but then she shuts down my attempted vulnerability and affection...how can i make art when i feel dejected?

don't show her music anymore don't talk about your own taste in music don't let anyone listen--you're a useless idiot and your taste is shit

0️⃣ days since my girlfriend last made me cry or feel rejected/embarrassed

basically i am a faggot

literally shitting all over mspec lesbians makes u a gold star conservative freak congratulations ur a bigoted queerphobic gay person lmao

ppl be like "DNI if ur" and then some heinous shit and then next they mention transmasc or mspec lesbo and im like ok then ur queerphobic!!

transmasc except not that i am a male but rather the male version of a woman (basically.... non-woman agender lesbian....)

transmasc but in a girly way, you feel?

i need to hire a lawyer to deal with my lawyer god i am so tired of this process

its wild when im so lucid that i fishhook and depersonalize again and see my self-injuries with compassion like seeing a friend struggling

being vaguely fragmented and SHing is darkly funny cos ppl will wonder if u were attacked or hurt urself and im like...its kinda both lmao

very hard to code my website on a 13yo 4th-hand macbook on its 3rd battery that randomly dies every 15 min and takes 15 more min to restart

stranger in my building overtly and dramatically sniffed my dirty laundry omw to the laundry room i am going to kms

I hurt myself today to see if I still feel / I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real

its hard being a stupid fat transmasc nb with a smart beautiful transfem partner who is friends with when more beautiful smart trans women

like the WORST thing for my bpd is prob for her to leave the GC or stop talking to ppl who make me insecure cos it validates my paranoia

i have been very open w my partner about my silly brain and i appreciate that she has been kind without even considering leaving the GC

having bpd is so stupid i have so many silly thoughts that my partner will fall in love w someone in her GC but i have no basis for it ><

trying to be less bitchy and annoying

i hate my life