I don't know what is worse - my flu or my existential crisis ... or maybe my tendency to cure both with theoretical physics?

Goodbye, my friend. You sat with me through all of those Star Trek re-runs and now it is time for you to go and be a Big Phone in the world.

Things that I do for fun: get annoyed that I can't hear ... forgetting that I'm deaf.

I'm sortofish satisfied with a music video that I edited because it's very pre-2010, just as I wanted it to be. https://youtu.be/6TIOzUpFRJg

My better half was where my optimism was stored. He's been away on holidays for 36 years. Lazy bugger!

I miss humankind. I honestly do. We're all dead now. Just empty, lifeless husks imitating something sentient. Maybe an asteroid will hit?

I'm insanely jealous of people who have friends and/or families. At 36, I still don't know how to get either or just somebody to talk to.

I finished another crime against humanity and I promise that the dancing animal astronauts are very relevant! https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNHpFK

Managed to get a mobile on sale in my network. My poor mother is saved but we still don't know how a phone can just vanish! Ugh!

We searched everything - this damned phone is still missing! I could replace it since my network is having a sale but their website is down!

Dear Landlord, thank you for randomly mailing us your bills. Do you expect us to pay them for you or to use them as a loo roll?

Dear Prime Minister of England, thank you for making all of the UK a safer place by arresting those deviously depraved terrorist pensioners!

I think my mum's identity is that of a black hole. A black hole that eats mobile phones. She broke 2 and she lost 2... this year.

I have evolved from making videos about spinny trees to making videos about dancing flowers: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNHbpvpGC5pJm-Gb21p/

One day I was sad and friendless and another day I made my first TikTok with spinning trees at the age of 36 because nobody stopped me.

Loneliness and silence are killing me. Is anybody here looking for friends who are broken gay oversharers in their 30s? I can't find anyone.

Trying to find out why is our milk spoiling faster recently and the consensus is that nobody knows but could be the delivery lorries.

Where did my fellow Gen Y snarky and sarcastic casual oversharing broken queers go? My loneliness is almost done eating me alive.

Turns out running errands helps derealisation. I went to the hospital blood test), sent an appellation to the tribunal and even ate dinner.

Well, Shifting made me cry. It feels like the last glimpses of reality and of real people. Sometimes, I wonder if we're all dead.