mabel syrup

toilet paper but each square contains a unique AI-generated paragraph and accompanying image guilt-tripping you into using less paper

each dawn breaks not believing

i’d answer the question “what’s your type?” honestly but that would require me to just say a person’s name and that feels maybe terrifying

FOSS Neratu

sometimes i remember that there are people in the world who know the name for the standard size of milk bottle lid. i want that knowledge

just urinated at approx. 300 PSI. i think this is a useful skill to have as we enter the new year

“oh you’re just sitting there doing nothing” excuse you i am THINKING, ACTUALLY, it’s like dreaming except it hurts more

as usual, i don’t know if i’ll wake up tomorrow, but i sure as hell have made plans anyway

i need to stop doing stupid things in dreams. i do enough of that irl

NEW WEBSITE IS FINALLY LIVE WOOOOOOOO

RIP iOS 6, you would have loved logging in to iCloud ;(

cashews. we have peanuts at home.

“oh they’re just nicotine lozenges” BULLSHIT RYAN I KNOW YOU’RE DOING VITAMIN D

don’t think i’ve got enough impostor syndrome to *really* have impostor syndrome

i just downed an entire pint of water in under ten seconds. and where was god?

life begins at condom

LPT: if ever you feel that something is inadequate, you can always just lower your standards

just waiting until the opportunity is perfect for me to continue to not do the thing

binary binary binary binary