dyke4dyke AND fag4fag AND t4t

they said "we got seamen on the poop deck" and my roommate said "that's just anal"

i miss my favorite knife :'(

hi(gh)

i aspire to be kinder but that's not enough i gotta apologize too

"everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face"

rest in power comrade bushnell

just found out your wenis isn't actually called that :'(

how much butter could a nutterbutter nut if a nutterbutter could nut butt

microdosing at the zoo 🍄

*slams energy drinks + chain smokes joints* I am so tired,,,,yet I cannot rest,,,,, by What could this be Caused ????

"capitalism has turned me into a whore," I say, as a man I've never met before cums on me so I can buy groceries

i'm not right for everyone and that's okay

"can't believe ayn rand invented pick-me girls"

in bed, eating cookie dough w/ my hands

lover of my lovers, lover of my haters, lover of my lovers' lovers, hater of my lovers' haters

i just wanna watch the world yearn

a beautiful woman ran thru the woods for a week then climbed over my fence to kiss me :'-)

you know how sometimes you see someone in public who's just so obviously high but they're trying so hard to hide it???? that's me

made both a very bad and a very good decision today so i think it probably evens out in the grand scheme