soaking in that summer sunshine. soon...

he's proud of me and happy for me and I'M proud of and happy for me. go kitty

talked to my big brother peaceful happy flourishing. mood is through the roof

fellowship AND a stipend. babygirl i'm winning at this actually, i think

i got a fellowship lets GO

woke up at eight am and i wanna go to bed at. five pm. girl help

(drinking rootbeer) (thinks of my older brother) yay :)

feels like i ate cement

it won't come as a surprise to anyone. it was only ever really a matter of when, not if

kind of a relief to admit it to myself. it's bitterly swallowed but at least i have a direction to move in

yeah. i give up. i've been wrestling with this decision for the better part of a year and i can't live like this anymore

need to get back into cold and unaffected and detached, actually. life was a lot easier to drift by, haunting it like a ghost

how long? too long

i keep having crying jags because its bitterly painful to know if i killed myself theres only one person who would notice or care. nightmare

ok time to go write in my diary like the sad freak i am. smiley face and thumbs up

tempted to ruin my cardiac health again because at least the caffeine felt pleasant. even with the painful palpitations

Hello Big City. i would like the flavour of crippling depression that is 'lonely when not alone' as opposed to 'lonely and alone' atm

i guess it'll be a chance to reinvent myself. or develop crippling alcoholism and bleed out to death. yknow. either or

on that note *cranks up for king and country because im having a real normal one tonight*

its like how if i start listening to christian music again you know i am actively suicidal. religion as a comfortable crutch...