update on the last status: it took me 1 hour to want to kms but no spiral yet. yippee!

wait I should probably keep track of how long it takes before I spiral again

today's homework is to learn how to validate feelings

it probably won't be friendship, but anything's better than nothing

well it's okay I can probably just delude myself into believing that if I go on meds and work on myself one day we will talk

i am going to become good

i feel less like shit->"im just faking it"->i feel like shit->i feel less like shit>"im just faking it"->i feel like shit

love bullet is really good so far!

how to kill yourself without getting scared easy free for beginners

well the answer is to have friends but never open up and turn my anger inwards so this never happens again :)

it doesn't matter if i know the wording because i got the message. if anything this is saving him from my bullshit

guy who knows what will happen because it already did: this time it'll be different

I knew in the back of my mind that I was just getting my hopes up but that didn't stop me. lol

this will keep happening until I die

trying to speedrun emotional openness so i can talk about limbus company with a person i hurt deeply is kinda embarassing

self-awareness is the first step, but i must be honest that this is more than planning it's fear

im scared->i avoid it

im scared 😂

i will handle the result

>worries over conversation >other person takes the first step >worries more about how to respond