I fell like Oliver Twist when I apply for a credit card. "Please sir...can I have some more?" "YOU WANT MORE GRUEL?!?!"

How can I have Sunday Night Flu when I don't have a fucking job to go to tomorrow?

my butt hurts

sunny ides

fedex sucks

i fixed it

the sun appears over the yardarm

i dislike being alone in this house for more than 24 hours

are we not men? we are devo

I had an old thing I wanted others to see, and told them "it belongs in a museum." They said, "so do you."

Rule of Acquisition #1: once you have their money, you never give it back.

haven't been this sick in a long time

who writes software like this? do people that write this code actually use the crap they produce?

flurries every march

reminder: there is no February 29th, 2100.

siri and alexa suck

voobah voobah voobah ping noah

I'm not your IT bitch fix your own fucking printer

scared the shit out of myself by watching "The New Look" on ATV+. Gads.

I'm funny? Funny how? Funny like a clown? Funny like I amuse yous?