Your best? Losers always whine about doing their best. Winners get to go home and fuck the prom queen.

im giving thought to becoming an orion trader dealing in green women slaves

do or do not there is no try

whelp, I'm not pregnant

curses. foiled again.

we're going home, toto! we're going home!

disappointed

"i have my answers" "I assure you they are all true" "even the lies?" "*especially* the lies"

fuck hotels that disable access to HDMI ports on their tvs

i might simply switch to lip-syncing through life

vacay = just throw munny out dat window in fistfuls

turns out I am pretty good at doing nothing all day

I'm reminded that all humans have a projected lifetime of about three minutes. And each time we take a breath, that clock resets.

alas, i have exhausted all my fucks I had to give

look. i sold something on eBay

who knew planning a vacay would be so complicated

i inherited a digital pencil for my iPad. Wonder what it can do?

11. Fuck Louisiana

i have a werwy gwood fwend fwom wome named biggus dickus

need pivo